Changes

Where to begin, I have been trying to come up with what I want to write here for a few weeks but I can't seem to get it right. There has been a lot of writing and deleting... so I guess I am just going to put it all down and hope it sounds the way I want it to.

2009 was a year where I made a lot of changes, there was an incredible amount negative and positive emotions and I learned a great deal about myself and people that were in my life. I discovered that I am stronger than I have ever given myself credit for and the people in my life who love me are the most amazing people I have ever known and they have given me so much strength.

The changes and growth I made in 2009 led me to thinking about the future and what I wanted to do with my life. I looked back at the past and the emptiness, I feel like I have been treading water for so many years and I decided to change that. I am tired of waiting, waiting for the courts to settle the issues that the ex refuses to settle on, tired of waiting for our divorce to come through before I can move forward with life, tired of waiting and hoping that he will pay support for the girls. Financially I couldn't wait for our settlement to come through or for child support payments to be agreed to, the girls deserve better than that. I looked into going back to school, the plan had been for September but then I received a phone call from the program director telling me that there were still spaces for January. Financially it was something that I couldn't turn down, putting off financial security until September while trying to make ends meet for 9 months, was something that made this decision to start living now rather than more months of waiting.

Once I talked about it with the number one people in my life, my girlies, the way they were on board and supportive I knew this was the right decision, they are such amazing little ladies. We had a lot to do and very little time to do it in. However, everything lined up so perfectly. We had a place to live and the girls had a school to attend and I was accepted into the RMT program and had full financial funding. One after another, things fell into place, I felt a little sick to tell you the truth, it was scary. The thought of moving to a new town and going back to school after so many years was overwhelming but some of the best things in life happen that way.

Once I saw the new apartment I knew I had made the right decision and seeing how excited the girls were gave me peace of mind. We have a great little water front home, it is cozy and the view is great, right now it is a frozen wonderland with ice fishing huts, but come spring I know it will be wonderful to sit by the water and do some studying, to watch the girls run around in the yard and swim from the dock and watch the sun set on the water, very peaceful! This space is so much healthier for the three of us, so positive and pretty, nothing like the 9th floor apartment that had some bad memories for all three of us (although some amazing times were had there too...)

So it is official, we have moved. All the furniture and belonging have been packed up and the apartment in London is no longer mine. The girls ride the bus to their new school and have fit in with new friends and new activities, they love tobogganing and snow shoeing at the school and the staff seems pretty awesome here and the girls seem so excited about school each day, they were actually bummed when we thought we were going to have a snow day. I am attending Georgian College and will be for the next 2 years, so far classes seem pretty great and I am excited to be learning and working towards a career, one that will fit in nicely with my coaching and interests. I am also happy to report that I am going to be starting work part time at Running Free in Barrie, it won't be a lot of hours, but some extra spending money for the girls and me but I am excited to meet some new people and to make friends in the running/triathlete community here. I am living in Orillia and the area is pretty, I can't wait for the spring to try out the biking in this area and being able to open water swim right from my home is going to be fun! Being closer to SV is a really nice bonus to the move here as well, the long distance thing was interesting, but the commute to London from Gravenhurst is a painful one, especially after so many months of both of us doing that drive so many times. So we are both enjoying being less than 30 minutes away from each other and being able to have a real relationship.

Unfortunately, there has been some negatives, it was hard to move away from my family. Even though we are a family that no matter how far apart we are will always be there for each other. I know I will see my parents and sister as much as we can. We have just grown so close to each other this past year and it is so great to be with them again.

Finally I think the biggest thing that I have come to realize with this move and well really the past year is that I have to focus on the positive people in my life because there are so many people out there who will do their best to try to make you feel bad about yourself or your decisions. I like to think that I have done a lot of positive things for people. When anyone I have known/worked with in a coaching-athlete relationship told me their goals, whether it was to run a half marathon, a marathon, to do a triathlon or to do an Ironman. Never have I said anything negative or discouraging. I am usually the first person, including the person who has told me their goal, to believe in them and tell them that they can do it. I am a huge believer in supporting people in what they want or hope to do because so many people out there want to tell you that you can't do something. I have never understood that. Who am I to tell someone what they can and can't do, even if it was something that I felt was a big goal for them, I would focus on how we could make it something less "big" and never would I discourage them. I love that people try new things and challenge themselves. That is who I am and I know I have helped people do things they never thought they could have done before..... maybe they don't acknowledge me once they have reached those goals or after the goal has come and gone, but again that isn't why I have tried to help them or encouraged them or believed in them, I like seeing them do something they were unsure of before and I love seeing people reach their goals. That is me. Unfortunately, I have come to realize that I am not going to get that same support from everyone in my life, so I need to focus only on those who will give me that positive energy, because they are the ones that truly do care about me...In the words of one of the greatest ladies I know in my life..." Be who you are and say what you feel because people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind" (it was actually said by Dr. Suess). So hopefully you are one of the ones who don't mind and that is why you are reading my blog, I have made the best possible move for my girls and myself. I am happy and feel like I am finally on the right path, I miss my family and friends but no matter where I live I know we will make efforts to be together.