"Free to Fail"

"Free to Fail". I wrote those words once on a "psych up" banner in University.  Many of my teammates were upset by these words and wanted me to take them off....to write something different. Luckily I had two coaches that knew what I meant and encouraged me to "keep it up there".
I think too many people read these words...focus on the word "fail" and miss the meaning; If you are too afraid of failing you miss out on ever going after a goal. You end up doing nothing(these are the "I can't moments"..."I should have but").  Once you realize you have nothing to loose...nothing to be afraid of...when you are truly open to anything.... THAT'S the moment greatness happens.
I have used this quote many times in my life and before every race I have done as a triathlete. I am going to give my best because I'm "Free to Fail".  I don't think of what will happen if I don't do a specific time, or finish in the place I think I should.  I do this for fun.  I do this to be me and to experience some amazing places and races.  If things don't go perfectly, I don't consider it a failure.  If nothing else I learned something about myself..... met a new person, or have an entertaining story to share with friends/family after the fact.
This week I witnessed one of the athletes I coach have a "Free to Fail" moment.  Char called me over to tell me she had just registered for her first Olympic Triathlon race.  I was so proud and excited.  She asked me what the swim distance is for this race....she has just started working with me in the pool.  She is motivated and working hard towards her goal for sure.  At that moment of realizing it is a 1500m swim....500m longer than she is currently comfortable swimming..... she gave the perfect chuckle, smiled and got excited.  In that moment...the one where many would come up with an excuse, back out, or freak out...she focused on what she CAN do to make sure she is successful.  No other option....GREATNESS happened.

My Sister!

This Monday April 16, 2012 my big sis is running her first Boston Marathon...to say that I am proud of her is an understatement!  I wish that I could be with her in Boston to cheer her on and give her support as she competes in the famous marathon...but even though I can't be with her physically I will be sending her positive vibes all weekend and know that she is going to be great and have a wonderful experience.
Things with my sister, Kim, weren't always this way...we used to fight like cats and dogs...while doing the dishes no less (there may or may not have been an incident with a knife and a frying pan)...but over the years we have grown up and grown closer together...to the point that she is the closest person in my life. We are each others biggest fans and I know that she would be there in a heartbeat just as I would be for her!  I love her with all my heart and I am so proud that she is accomplishing such a great goal/dream.

Oh and Kim...one last thing....I thought maybe you could add a song to your playlist...the same song you played for me back in 1992...when you phoned to tell me you missed me...the song that brought us together and made us friends!  (click the link to watch/hear)
Love you!!

My Sister

Challenges.

 I find the sport of triathlon so amazing... many things  can occur that are outside of my control,  I have to take each day, each race, as an unique moment in time....sure it would be great to do this sport in a bubble, where every day/race the conditions (water, road, wind, stomach/body) are exactly the same...I guess that would be one way measure your improvement or skill.  However, I find the unknown is the part that gets the butterflies fluttering....that possibility that anything can happen and being excited about what challenges could be put in your way.  That unknown is what used to motivate me toward different race distances...could I do an Ironman?...could I really bike 180km and then run a marathon?  Could I go faster at the Ironman distance?  This uncertainty of what I could or could not accomplish is what led to registering for Ultraman...could I really compete over 3 days (10km swim, 419km biking and 84km of running)....it was probably the best and worst year of my life...the 6 months leading up to that event was a roller coaster, emotionally, physically and mentally...but through it all I kept Ultraman at the front of my mind...using it to help get me moving forward and knowing that even if I wasn't able to do everything that I had planned to do training wise, the fact that I wasn't giving up was just as valuable for my "training" as any long bike ride or run.  I went into that race under trained and not 100% ready compared to where I thought I would be when I registered the year before but I altered my plan...focused on breaking the swim record and just trying to get to the finish line...realizing that life had happened and rather than beat myself up for not doing everything that I had planned to do, I was happy with the fact that I had made it there and having the opportunity to make a dream a reality.  In the end it was one of my favourite race experiences of my life. I met some amazing/inspiring people and was able to spend 5 days with 3 of the best friends any girl could ever ask for.
I no longer have that need for the unknown in terms of distance...very happy knowing that I can/have done the Ironman/Ultraman distances, but now I like the challenge of finding out how hard I can push myself...the uncertainty of knowing if I can push myself to the point  that my lungs feel they are going to burst...trying to find another gear/speed and pushing myself to the point that it hurts like hell and holding on, not giving up regardless of what challenges come along the way.
So even though I no longer do the "ultra" distance events, I continue to focus on reaching my goals knowing that anything is possible and even if something unexpected happens,  all I have to do is adjust, modify my training and realize that it is an opportunity to improve in other areas, an opportunity to push myself in a way I may have overlooked  All of this has been helping me this last week as I have been faced with the challenge of my body protesting when I pushed too hard...I have adjusted my training and have given my body the rest that it was demanding and even better than that, I didn't beat myself up for missing workouts or get stressed that race season is quickly approaching...I have been looking at this as just another challenge...one to overcome and more importantly to not give up.